Buhtt sex?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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