textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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