we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
