Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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