**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
