He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
