the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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