probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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