so explain again why im purple
no
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
