You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
