fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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