it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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