If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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