I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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