Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
