First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Terrible idea I love it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize