hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
