just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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