That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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