The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
