he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
