I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
