Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
