It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
