Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
