i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
