Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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