yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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