I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
