I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
