Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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