the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
