So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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