Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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