i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
