need another drink. this is the easiest way
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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