HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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