Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
