you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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