You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
