hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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