guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
