I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
