Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
