I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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