loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
