I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
