i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So much rum. So many feels.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
