That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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