that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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