haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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