My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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