I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
