ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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