im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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