His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My pussy is not your playground.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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