yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
