You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
