When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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