Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
