Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
