Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
