I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
