If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
