went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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