I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
