Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
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I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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