puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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