i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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