just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
