I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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