If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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