Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
