Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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