i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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