the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
