I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
