Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
