After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
